Literature Review Surrounding Malaria Disease, with a Focus on Indigenous Children under 5 years in Brazil
Here are the comments feedback from my professor regarding the paper you helped me write (752192). He wrote that all parts of the paper were insufficient and not satisfactory.
1.Introduction:
1.1Arguing the public health relevance
Feedback- Insufficient. It lacks a lot of background on indigenous populations in Brazil… both numbers on population size, how they are included in the health system and differences between the main groups – geography, emancipation into society and social situation.
2.Introduction
2.1 Scope and review of the research area
Feedback- Insufficient. How does indigenous populations in other settings – not Brazil – fare with malaria? You don’t need to address Brazil here – that’s what you are going to do in your analysis…
3. Purpose and study aims
Feedback- Insufficient. The aim should only be the aim… Now you are arguing for the aim in the aim-section. Those arguments should’ve – and they have to quite a large extent – been argued in the introduction. So, pretty much, all the sentences that have a reference should either be deleted or moved to the introduction.
4. Methodology/Study design
Feedback- Insufficient. How was the data analyzed?
5. Results
Feedback. Insufficient. Only four of the eight articles that you included in the review are mentioned in the results – that’s a bit peculiar? You had three aims, and the results do cover them, but quite shallowly…
6.Discussion
Feedback- Insufficient. The idea is to put the findings into a wider context – beyond Brazil. Again, your results covers Brazil, while the Introduction and the Discussion should widen the scope.
The discussion doesn’t address the strengths and weaknesses of your study.
7. Conclusion
Feedback- Insufficient. The first sentence is not relevant to the Conclusion, but to the discussion.
Then the conclusion should actually state the answers to the questions – not only state that you were able to address them…
8. Sustainable development
Feedback- Insufficient. You address the importance of the measures to be sustainable – but not in relation to sustainable development at large. Preferably address this in both the introduction and the discussion from a SDG-perspective.
